Jokes

 

   New Russian, and the mother-in-law to him married and speaks:
- You certainly abrupt, but inherently the moron, you even cannot hammer in a nail...
- You che, old, drive, at me on this question is specialists, give the address of the Nail!

 


   
Passes drunk New Russian by the GAI officer, that to him waves a staff. NR brakes, hands over back, lowers glass:
- To you where?
The GAI officer is dumbfounded:
- Yes anywhere...
- So, in a nature, on a horse-radish  then to vote?!

 


   
On a line lengthways woods - landings  to rush three machines, one by one: sudden  a jeep, six-100-th "gelding" and "seven" of BMW. Suddenly on a way there is an old woman with intentions to steal a march on this train. What behind a rudder of a jeep, sharply gives on brakes and, on inertia, takes off through a windshield for a ditch. His maneuver does not rescue the grandmother: on her will fly a jeep, in him flies the six-100-th and for a dessert - BMW. All this horse-radish  blows up. A roar, a flame, a soot......
All stained with blood driver of a jeep has got out of a ditch, has thoughtfully examined this    blaze-smoking cumulate  ex-machines, has sustained a pause...
- And has beautifully died, suka.

 


   
Calls New Russian. Home mothers in village... Approaches neighbor
-Alyo! The aunt Rolling... To me to mummy to talk...
Yes she on a facilities has left. With an axe on a roof climb.
-! an axe?! On a roof?! Well at you and demon - limit , however!..

 

 
   
The husband comes back from business trip and sees: the entrance has 600-th Mercedes. Comes home. On a hanger - a red jacket, on a table - a radio telephone, in bed - the wife with any muzhik. The husband pushes the muzhik sideways:
- You of that here do?
- How that? You do not see - New Russian it is done!

 

    600-th Mercedes is born on a line...
Well and as it is necessary, his GAI officer (G) stops.
The window opens in a Mercedes... And the frank VAGABOND sits at a rudder. G, rub hands, speaks
- Well all the muzhik, climb out from the machine, tell, where has stolen a wheelbarrow?
The vagabond confidently gets documents on a wheelbarrow and shows G.
That in a shock!!! Precisely... Under documents a wheelbarrow of it.
G -listen, the muzhik, whence such money at you? Where it is so much " cabbage on - mowed  " on such abrupt wheelbarrow!!!????
The vagabond politely
- See - whether, the citizen the chief, at me m...  possesses medical properties... Helps from about - bald spot ...
Here the GAI officer has begged -
the muzhik, gain... Look what at me from peaked-cap a bald head... The wife soon will divorce from me...
Well the vagabond has recovered on a head to the cop... Also has punished to rub better...
The GAI officer pleased, speaks
Go further dear, and I on a portable radio set shall transfer the, that nobody stopped you...
The vagabond closes a window in the Mercedes, drives off... And On back sitting in the machine two new Russian, drunk in "sisichki" sit, and neigh that is urine...
Also speak
- Well the muzhik you well done!!! If still to pair cops on a head on - foul , we to you and shall buy a hut...

 

    The primary source: анИкдот.ру "Jokes"

 


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