Friends! Let's drink for our enemies. That they had all: a country country house, the smart machine in garage, the Persian carpets, pool, a fireplace, and certainly, satellite phone on which they would call only 01, 02 and 03!!!
The first toast: Good-bye! Sober we today shall not meet you! :)
It is not necessary to pursue the woman, as behind left tram. Remember, that behind there is a following tram.
So we shall drink for that trams is more often went!
In the central department store - a chaos. People chaotically
goes in all directions. The maiden who operatively answers by four phones sits at the board of help service of department store and simultaneously communicates with buyers.
window help the excited person approaches and speaks: '
- Dear, I have lost the wife!
- Please, all for funeral on the fourth floor, section 47, at your service, - follows the immediate answer.
I ask to lift glasses for that we did not lose the favourite wives neither in direct, nor in portable senses.
THE MOST ECONOMIC AUTOMOBILE
The spouse are going to buy the automobile. On "shows" they come together. The wife is seduced especially with the low price. The owner extols the " an iron horse " and convinces spouses of it to buy.
In couple of days of the spouse leave on the automobile. In the next street the motor become deaf and any more does not give in on any "arrangements".
The husband and the wife, swearing, push the machine to repair shop. The husband speaks:
- That goat which has sold to us the machine, in something was right.
- In what? - the wife asks.
- In that this machine almost does not spend some gasoline.
Let's drink for that we always meant, that " the old automobile - not the new automobile ", and had opportunities on purchase of the new automobile.
TOOTH FOR THE TOOTH
There is a civil war. White come from different directions. Around ruin, famine. There is Vasily Ivanovich in a wood behind brushwood, and towards to him 5BL:0 from hunting drags on a back the big bird. Vasily Ivanovich asks:
- Where has taken?
- A boomerang has brought down, - answers 5BL:0 and shows Vasily Ivanovichu the weapon.
- All right, drag on kitchen, - speaks Vasily Ivanovich, - but if you will force down my socks of birds once again, I on fire wood shall chop your bedsheet!
So we shall drink for that in our country more never was civil war and famine.
Let's drink for gays, that them would be more.
To normal boys remain more girls.
Goes 0=> on the big desert. Suddenly hears 0=> terrible shout. The cave sees 0=> an input in dark. Comes 0=> in a cave. Goes, goes... Suddenly - sees: the bird the Phoenix naked back on hot a frying pan sits and shouts. Asks 0=>:
- Listen, a bird the Phoenix, what for you sit naked back on hot a frying pan and you shout?
- 09, 0=>! If I would not sit naked back on hot a frying pan and would not shout, who would pay attention to me?
So we shall drink for our women who should not sit naked back on hot a frying pan and to shout only that to them paid attention!
At one person the cat was. A cat as a cat, the ordinariest. And as well as it is necessary to cats, every March the cat carried out it is not known where, and came back home dirty, lean, bare!
This person was bothered with adventures of a cat, and he castrated him. But there comes March, and the cat again vanishes from the house, and comes back only in a month - dirty, hungry and peeled! The owner asks him:
- But now, now that you there did?!
- I supervised! - it is proud the cat has answered.
So we shall drink for our instructors, heads and teachers!
Let's drink for those who onboard. Who behind a board, itself will get drunk!
The harem of the sultan was in five kilometers from a palace. Every day the sultan sent the the servant for the girl. The sultan has lived till hundred years, and the servant has died in thirty.
Morals: not women kill men, and bustle behind them.
Let's drink for that not we ran for women, and they for us!!!
That 5;>AL also it was drunk,
That it would be desirable and it was could,
That differently and everywhere
Was with whom was where!
There were on desert three women. Some days as there is no water, meal. And suddenly before wayfarer an oasis, however he is enclosed with a high wall.
Then the woman speaks: " so much steps Let will appear, how many time I was with the man. " The ladder on which same has risen on a wall Has appeared and has gone down in an oasis.
Other woman has told: " so much steps Let will appear, how many time I was with the man. " Steps on one party of a wall Have appeared. The woman, having risen on them, has jumped off on other party.
And the third woman has begun to cry.
So we shall drink for that our women did not cry.
Let's drink for the LAMB!
That it wanted, could, grown rich, !*?6 S, - for the lamb!
There was at one king a daughter - beauty, and once, under New year she (it) has given birth to the son... King was angry, and began to search for the originator, yes so anybody and has not found... And the daughter in punishment has locked in a tower. However one year later she (it) has given birth to one more son. King outright was angry, and has planted (put) her (it) in the highest tower in kingdom, has immured an input (entrance), and from below has put protection, but also it has not helped, one year later the third son was born...
So we shall drink for 0@;KA>=0 which lives on a roof!
The young monk passed by a house of the widow which a deceit has called in it (him) to itself and has locked. " I shall not let out (shall not release) you until then, - she (it) has told to it (him), - while you will not execute one of three my desires: either you will drink fault, or you will lead (you will carry out) with me night, or you will kill my goat. " But the monk could not drink fault, could not touch the woman and, especially, could not encroach for whose life.
However it was necessary to choose. It (he) has thought what to drink fault - the least sin. But when it (he) has drunk wine, it (he) has sinned with the woman, and has then killed its (her) goat.
So let's drink for execution (performance) of all desires of the woman!
HIM (IT) IT ON THE SHOULDER
The visitor of restaurant for a long time studies the menu, and then calls up the waiter and speaks:
- To me one portion E2;5480=8.
Is it is impossible!
- E2;5480=8 is our director.
Let's drink for our competent bodies which can take even E2;5480=8 because for them anything impossible is not present.
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
One person asserted, that it is possible to provide the most unexpected turns and zigzags of a life. He even, ;>60AL to sleep, put near to a bed two glasses. One - full in case will want to drink; another - empty in case to drink will not want.
Let's drink for invaluable quality of the person and business, both in love, and in a policy - ability to expect.
There comes the man with the boy in a hairdressing saloon. Has had hair cut itself, then speaks:
- You while will cut my boy, I in shop shall drop in.
. The boy have cut, and the man all is not present. Ask the boy:
- When yours the daddy will come?
- And it not mine the daddy.
- How so?
- And simply this uncle in the street has approached to me and has asked: the boy, you want to have hair cut free-of-charge?
Let's drink for those beautiful ideas which have no anything the general with swindle.
Once the fine girl bore (carried) a jug with water through desert and has met the man dying from thirst. It (he) has told to it (her):
- About, fine, give me to get drunk!
But the girl has gone further. However after a while she (it) has returned, but the man was already dead.
So we shall drink for that girls allowed to us when it is necessary for us, instead of when they would like it!
Vodka - our enemy. But who has told, what we are afraid of enemies?!
Shoemakers get drunk - in an insole, carpenters - in a board, glaziers - into smithereens, doctors - before loss of pulse, chemists - before loss of reaction, physics - before loss of resistance...
So we shall drink for women - physicists!
Let's drink for us, beautiful. Well, and if we not beautiful, muzhiks 706@0;8AL!
Let's drink for men! But not for single - they on us never marry. And not for dissolved - they were bad husbands.
And we shall drink for married - they love the wives and do not forget us!
Speak, that if the married woman does not carry a wedding ring, and also A5@53, brooches, :C;>=>2, bracelets and necklaces, means, she (it) has married only on love!
Let's lift glasses for sincere love!
Let's drink for women. All the same, for what to drink, and to them - it is pleasant for us.
Sit in a bath of three men: the journalist, director and 75<;5:>? - and at all up to knees...
At the journalist - language; At director - a stomach; At 75<;5:>?0 - hands.
Let's drink for those men who have something more interestingly!
So give, friends, we shall last time drink and we shall firmly, resolutely declare: " As though difficultly in a life it was not necessary to us, as though bitterly and hardly was, what troubles and misfortunes have not fallen down our head, we never in a life to drink...
Let's not cease! "
Let's lift glasses
WATERS... WATERS - H...
On desert the muzhik creeps. Thirst has exhausted. The sun fries, sand ?;028BAO, in general, not paradise.
Suddenly it (he) sees - there is a column, on it (him) the arrow (pointer) sideways shows, and on it (her) is written: " Up to water - 2 kms ". At the muzhik whence only forces have undertaken, has jumped and in that party (side) has jerked. Runs, all already comes to an end. Soon sees other column with an arrow (a pointer) and an inscription: " Up to water - 1 km ". The muzhik has collected last forces and has run in that direction. The consciousness was already disconnected, when it (he) has seen a column with an arrow (a pointer) and an inscription: " Up to water - 200 m ", showing downwards.
Let's drink for indexes on roads of a life which not only inform, but also give up hope.
One inspector of motor licensing and inspection department have asked, whom it (he) dreamed to become in the childhood.
- I always wanted to be the conductor! Has not developed, but the dream to be the focus of attention and swing has remained a stick!
Let's drink for that even in part our dreams came true.
Two friends have arrived on fishing. 07>63;8 :>AB5@>:, have put on fire :>B5;>:, have thrown fishing tackles. Suddenly from nowhere - @K18=A?5:B>@.
One of fishermen, without thinking twice, jumps and starts to get away. K18=A?5:B>@ in confusion: whether to remain with another, whether to run behind the first. The hunting instinct has got the best - has rushed off for escaping. They run through bushes, through lawns, ?@>48@0NBAO through windbreaks. Half an hour run. Already both of forces were beat out. At last, @K18=A?5:B>@ has caught up the guy.
- Show (Present) your license for fishing! - having been out of breath, it (he) speaks.
The guy indifferently gets from a pocket of a paper.
- Well you and a goat, - speak @K18=A?5:B>@, - what for you have got away, when at you the license in the full order?!
Is at me such physical exercise before fishing, - the guy speaks. - And who of you forced to run for me?
- Yes, you are healthy me have made, - speaks @K18=A?5:B>@. - Well, have gone back. The guy looks at hours and speaks:
- Any back already is not present. My friend has just driven off by an electric train.
- Why? You have license.
- At me really is. And at him (it) is not present.
I suggest to drink for good fishing without occurrence of the persons contra-indicated for these procedure.
For that at us all was also anything to us for it was not!
And, the main thing, for that we had time it to use!
The mother-in-law what from three 7OBL52 loves her (it) more has decided to learn (find out). Has taken buckets and has gone to :>;>4FC. Shouts:
- Rescue! To tone!
And itself has jumped with buckets in :>;>45F. The senior son-in-law has run up, has pulled out the mother-in-law. Wakes up in the morning - costs (stands) in a court yard black "Volga" - a gift of the mother-in-law to the favourite son-in-law.
Another time the mother-in-law again goes to :>;>4FC. Jumps in him (it) with buckets, shouts: " Rescue! " The average son-in-law Runs up, pulls out the mother-in-law. Wakes up in the morning - there is in a court yard a motorcycle - a gift to the average son-in-law from the mother-in-law.
Passes time. The mother-in-law has decided to check up the younger son-in-law. Has chosen the moment when it (he) in a court yard, has taken buckets and has gone to :>;>4FC. Has jumped in :>;>45F and shouts: " Help! To tone! " The younger son-in-law Has run up to :>;>4FC and thinks: " she (it) "Volga" has presented the Grown-up, average a motorcycle, and me that, a skateboard? "
Has taken, and has drowned her (it).
In the morning wakes up, and in a court yard there is "Mercedes" - a gift B5ABO to the favourite son-in-law.
So we shall drink for never to test the destiny!
One friend complains to another:
- You imagine? Has sent the wife the telegram that I shall come home the tenth. I arrive the tenth and... I find her (it) in bed with the muzhik! The prostitute!
- Vainly you so badly think of the wife. Probably, she (it) simply has not received your telegram!
Let's drink for post workers! On them, at times, depends, destiny of family!
Let's drink for business and sex, that in translation into Russian means: for successes in work and private life!
Flied ?G5;:0. Sat on a beautiful flower. The flower has given it (her) nectar. G5;:0 has flown up to other not less beautiful flower. It (he) has not given nectar. The storm has flown. The flower which has given nectar has remained safe, and the flower which has not given nectar - has broken. So we shall drink for that allowed and did not break.
The girl is necessary for the man, as to the ship - an anchor. My toast - for a cruiser "Aurora", at which four anchors!
The sheaf of climbers climbs on mountain. And in a sheaf the snake has bitten the first climber for a member. It (he) on a chain transfers downwards (and the doctor went in a sheaf the last):
- The snake has bitten what to do (make)?
- The snake has bitten what to do (make)?
- The snake has bitten what to do (make)?
Has reached the doctor, it (he) answers:
- It is necessary to suck away!
- It is necessary to suck away!
Business has reached the second climber. The victim worries:
- Well? What has the doctor told?
- The doctor has told... That you will die!
So we shall drink for that with us in one sheaf there were women!
In one city there was a bath. Also there were in that bath two sections - female and man's, and these have been divided (shared) section by a thin wall... And, in one fine day when in a bath it was full to people, this wall with a roar falls. All and with that and on the other hand have seized gangs, yes have closed the juiciest places... Cost (Stand) and look the friend on 4@C6:C, do not know what to do (make.) They MB0: have stood any time, girls the first have grown bolder, yes gradually and ?>>B?CA:0;8 gangs... Muzhiks look, such business, well and of a gang ?>>B?CA:0;8...
To release (let off) they have released (have let off), and gangs and do not fall...
So we shall drink for that force which has kept gangs!
Rural court yard. In a corner the cock trambles down the hen.
And at this time on a porch the Georgian leaves. At him (it) in a hand :C;5: sunflower seeds which it (he) it is lazy gnaws. Then it (he) types (collects) a handful and stops on the ground.
The cock, having noticed sunflower seeds, leaves the girlfriend and begins to peck them.
The Georgian, having seen this stage, has sadly shaken a head: " God forbid so >3>;>40BL "!
I suggest to drink for abundance!
On a question on the one whom you love - blondes or brunettes more, present (true) the man should answer:
So we shall drink for the present (true) men!
The primary source: tostovka.ru